The Monster-In-Law Vs The Devil-In-Law
With every other day there seems to be an exponential increase in the number of social obligations, work commitments, stress and a greater effort to be put into relationships.. Relationships are becoming a double edged sword which require very very careful treading. Once broken, they will take a looooong time to mend!
From time immemorial, the MIL and DIL relationship has been a very slippery one and almost all movies and soaps portray the MIL & DIL relationships in a very distasteful way setting a negative pace from the day 1.
Here's a few tips or guidelines to survive The Monster-In-Law / The Devil-In-Law syndrome.
1) As you sow shall you reap
If you cannot treat your MIL/DIL as a mother/daughter , do not expect to be treated like a daughter/mother. Remember, both love and respect have to be earned back. They are not on any buy one get one free offer.
Dont treat your DIL/MIL the way you wouldnt want your daughter/mother to be treated.
2) Every lion is the king of the jungle it lives in only! Not all the jungles in the world.
Accept and respect the fact that the MIL/DIL may not be the greatest but are great and are achievers in their own way. Never ever compare. Especially with your daughter/mother.
3) The No-competition rule
Your MIL/DIL already has a daughter /mother (most of the cases) and dont compete to gain their place. Understand that you cannot replace them how much ever you try. Yeah, there are exceptions to every rule but...
4) We are not qualified Judges.
Dont judge.
Dont judge your DIL on the basis of how round her rotis are and how many dishes she can cook in an hour. Everyone has their own skills.
Dont judge your MIL on the basis of how much she helps you with child care, or how much she communicates or how open she is with you.
5) Change is constant. But give it its time and space.
The MIL was (is :P) the boss of the house and a DIL cant just come and change everything according to her whims and fancies.
The DIL has got accustomed to her ways of life for 20 odd years. You cannot rule her. Remember, love and respect should be won, cannot be commanded even if you are the boss.
6) The Free-labor-syndrome
Every MIL shd realize that one doesnt get the DIL to cook and serve the son, family & extended family with bed coffee and more. If that was what you had in mind, the time and money have to be invested in getting a cook or a maid.
A DIL cannot simply shrug household chores just because you have a job in hand. What would you do if you had a roommate /housemate?
7) Become Gandhiji's monkey.
See no bad, hear no bad and talk no bad. There will be one monkey in every family which will not follow the rule. So you gotta follow the rule and be wary of the monkey that doesnt follow the rule.
8) Let go.
MILs should stop treating their sons like they are 5 years old and gracegully accept the fact that he no longer needs help with eating, packing, cleaning, clothing or bathing. Yeah its a totally different thing if he wants the wife's help in bathing.... *coughs*
Just let him go. Let go of sons. let go of husbands.
Let go of grudges. Let go of shortcomings. Everyone and every situation cannot be perfect.
9) Belong to the sisterhood
Remember that before becoming a MIL/DIL/SIL we are all women first. Empathize with the other woman in the house because at the end of the day, we all share the same scares and insecurities. Celebrate the sisterhood!
THE GOLDEN RULE: Forgive and Forget.
From time immemorial, the MIL and DIL relationship has been a very slippery one and almost all movies and soaps portray the MIL & DIL relationships in a very distasteful way setting a negative pace from the day 1.
Here's a few tips or guidelines to survive The Monster-In-Law / The Devil-In-Law syndrome.
1) As you sow shall you reap
If you cannot treat your MIL/DIL as a mother/daughter , do not expect to be treated like a daughter/mother. Remember, both love and respect have to be earned back. They are not on any buy one get one free offer.
Dont treat your DIL/MIL the way you wouldnt want your daughter/mother to be treated.
2) Every lion is the king of the jungle it lives in only! Not all the jungles in the world.
Accept and respect the fact that the MIL/DIL may not be the greatest but are great and are achievers in their own way. Never ever compare. Especially with your daughter/mother.
3) The No-competition rule
Your MIL/DIL already has a daughter /mother (most of the cases) and dont compete to gain their place. Understand that you cannot replace them how much ever you try. Yeah, there are exceptions to every rule but...
4) We are not qualified Judges.
Dont judge.
Dont judge your DIL on the basis of how round her rotis are and how many dishes she can cook in an hour. Everyone has their own skills.
Dont judge your MIL on the basis of how much she helps you with child care, or how much she communicates or how open she is with you.
5) Change is constant. But give it its time and space.
The MIL was (is :P) the boss of the house and a DIL cant just come and change everything according to her whims and fancies.
The DIL has got accustomed to her ways of life for 20 odd years. You cannot rule her. Remember, love and respect should be won, cannot be commanded even if you are the boss.
6) The Free-labor-syndrome
Every MIL shd realize that one doesnt get the DIL to cook and serve the son, family & extended family with bed coffee and more. If that was what you had in mind, the time and money have to be invested in getting a cook or a maid.
A DIL cannot simply shrug household chores just because you have a job in hand. What would you do if you had a roommate /housemate?
7) Become Gandhiji's monkey.
See no bad, hear no bad and talk no bad. There will be one monkey in every family which will not follow the rule. So you gotta follow the rule and be wary of the monkey that doesnt follow the rule.
8) Let go.
MILs should stop treating their sons like they are 5 years old and gracegully accept the fact that he no longer needs help with eating, packing, cleaning, clothing or bathing. Yeah its a totally different thing if he wants the wife's help in bathing.... *coughs*
Just let him go. Let go of sons. let go of husbands.
Let go of grudges. Let go of shortcomings. Everyone and every situation cannot be perfect.
9) Belong to the sisterhood
Remember that before becoming a MIL/DIL/SIL we are all women first. Empathize with the other woman in the house because at the end of the day, we all share the same scares and insecurities. Celebrate the sisterhood!
THE GOLDEN RULE: Forgive and Forget.
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